My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
