haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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