I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
