is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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