If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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