nut hugger
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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