When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
