so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Barsexuality is the new black.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
