broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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