are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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