Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
50% drunk capacity currently
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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