you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
