Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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