Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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