Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
did i walk over a car last night?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize