i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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