How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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