dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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