Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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