This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just want nice things and good sex
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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