Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
