Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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