I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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