im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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