All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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