One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
