I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
