Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
