how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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