Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
