Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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