Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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