I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
