No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize