I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
