handjob tips. give me some.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
