why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
birth control should be required to get into college
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
