I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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