The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
