He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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