I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
