I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
