how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
