I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
