dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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