a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
a search helicopter?!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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