so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
