with your own penis?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
