Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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