i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
